Sunday, January 01, 2012
This picture is of my family scattering my father's ashes in the ocean. I love my family. They were and are a blessing and a boon in my life. There is an exception to that statement. At this last gathering my grief for my father was swallowed in the shadow of my mother's anger. My mother is sick and does not want to be well. Her sickness is the catalyst for a great deal of suffering in my life. I learned some thing new about my mother on this trip, that the best day of her life was what I would have thought was the worst day of her life. That pain and suffering is how she feels alive. It is my understanding that she seeks pain and suffering in her interactions with me because that is what feeds her.
The feel good in all of this is that by understanding what she really wants I can predict how my mother's intentions toward me will unfold. I no longer have to struggle hoping to resolve some misunderstanding, or to help my mother overcome what she clearly does not want to overcome. I am free to let her be as she is, and to live my life without her burden.
It was rough this last trip, but I did what I set out to do. I honored my father and connected with my family.
Posted by John Ellsworth at 2:53 AM