Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Start and End

I don’t have a boss. That’s pretty good. There is a woman I call my boss though she is really more of a landlord and colleague. I thought I had a pretty solid understanding with her but over the past several months I felt like I was getting more and more of a cold shoulder. I would ask her about it but I never got satisfaction. Finally I was able to sit her down for a solid hour. At the end of that hour I got a hug from her. It was a real hug. Later I got an email that said “I will always start....and 'end'...with I love you John.” That’s pretty good too. Ok it’s pretty amazing. I know I have only conveyed words but my understanding of the experience is something more. It is a promise to assume love in all interactions, most importantly in misunderstandings.

I honestly doubt that promise will be strictly held. But even just that someone would be genuine in making it is a beautiful thing. It is a complicated and imperfect story. I still feel grateful and humbled by it.

There is a slogan I have been told. It is “I would rather be happy than right.” I take this to mean that if you have what you want you may lose it by trying to satisfy your ego. During that hour long conversation I had a lot of points I wanted to bring up. When I realized I had everything there was to be gained I had to let go of everything else. I know that sounds obvious but I am just figuring it out. I have been told that the path to enlightenment is endless. I hope so. I have a lot to figure out along the way.

Thank you to all of my teachers. I love you.

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